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Riding the Bus
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Jedi Mind Tricks
- Hits: 1769
Sometimes I ride the bus a lot because I don't like to drive my landspeeder around. It gets too many looks. And a great Jedi Mind Trick you can do on the bus is to take an old tranfer that has the same time on it that your getting on the bus, and cover the date with your finger and show it to the bus driver. You wave it back and forth like your showing it to him, but really you're doing a Jedi Mind Trick.
Now sometimes the bus driver will stop you and say "Can I see that please", which is why I wear a Jedi mood ring on the finger that's covering the date. Because when the bus driver asks to see the transfer I pretend to think that he's really interested in my ring and I put the transfer in my other hand so I can use it again and show him my ring and start to tell him where I got it and what sorta mood I'm in and how he could be a Jedi too and just not know it.
Usually this works. If it doesn't I just pretend I forgot something and get off the bus and wait for another one.
Invisibility
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Jedi Mind Tricks
- Hits: 1955
Most people don't know that Jedi's can become invisible. This is because it wasn't shown in any of the Star Wars movies. Well, it was but probably you couldn't see it because they were invisible. Anyways, as you can imagine it's one of the most useful mind-tricks out there.
Now I can't tell you how it's done, except that it takes a real Jedi Master like myself to be able to do it properly, but I can tell you that there's a lot of practice involved. Mostly in the dark with your eyes closed.
Pictured at left: Me and my lightsaber, using the Jedi Mind Trick of invisibility. I've turned off the lights so you can see the lightsaber better.
Telesolicitors
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Rants
- Hits: 2946
3, 4, 5 times a day they call. The Old Timers Hockey League. The Canadian Liver Foundation. The Heart and Lung Foundation. The Diabetes Foundation. Apparently you can't have an organ without some group of people wanting to fundraise for it. And the charities..."Christians against poverty", which implies everybody else is for it. Or the "Firefighters for children" and the "Policeman's Calendar", funds used for the Children. Children are a great cause, they tear at the heartstrings. If you're going to raise money, do it for the children.
I've often wondered if the police ever check your calendar subscriptions when they're pulling you over, if your speeding ticket goes down because you like to see burly officers without their shirts on helping children.
I made the mistake once of actually making a donation over the phone, "Miracles for Children" or some such cause, which is where I think it all started. I got on a bad list, my name was traded like shares, the sucker list passed out and sold to a hundred other charities and telesolicitors.
More often than not there's dead air when you answer and sometimes you're requested to hold while your call is transferred to a live agent. Something about this abuse of technology offends me. Or you listen to a prerecorded message advising you you've won a prize in a contest you didn't enter. And they leave a number to call back. And I have to wonder who is stupid enough to call these people back, but I know the answer: Old, lonely people, bereft of family, varying degrees of senility, calling because they're lonely and want to talk to someone, anyone, even a telesolicitor, and this is on what the sharks are feeding.
There was the false sense of relief when the government created it's do not call list. Which you can register for here. But I've gotta warn you, I've recieved more calls since registering than ever I did before. It doesn't stop charities from calling you. Or local newspapers. And the low long distance rates now mean you'll be getting calls from all over the USA and even as far away as Columbia. I almost suspect it's yet another list the government puts you on and trades with other countries, somehow fulfilling our commitment to NAFTA.
I stopped answering the phone after a particularly inept call from the Calgary Herald. The girl began:
"Mrs. Lovejoyce, we'd like to offer you...."
I interrupted - "There is no Mrs. Lovejoyce at this residence."
She continues - "...great promotion, a free week of the paper of your choice...."
I repeat myself - "There is no Mrs. Lovejoyce at this residence....".
She doesn't hear me and keeps babbling. I hate to be rude but I interrupt yet again: "I'm sorry, you must have a wrong number, there is no Mrs. Lovejoyce at this residence.". Now there is no way anyone could mistake my voice for that of a woman. Any woman. And maybe there was a break in her script or something because this time she seemed to hear me. There's a pause while she regroups and begins again:
"Well, Mr. Zelinski, there's no reason you can't take advantage of this excellent promotion...."
I hung up.
LET IT DIE: Rushkoff on the economy
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- Written by: Rod Boyle
- Category: Link of the day
- Hits: 1802
An interesting take on the current economic meltdown in the US and other places. Overall I'm inclined to agree. Read it here. Amazing how such "Folk Wisom" is common among the masses, and yet entirely absent amongst government.
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